


I Finally Feel (That I'm Alive)

by Honeyyyy



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anger, Blood and Violence, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Deviant Upgraded Connor | RK900, Established Relationship, Fluff, Gavin Reed Being Less of an Asshole, Gavin Reed Not Being an Asshole, Gavin Reed Swears, Hank Anderson Swears, Hurt Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Nines is new to emotions, POV Third Person, Protective Upgraded Connor | RK900, Protectiveness, Upgraded Connor | RK900 Has a Different Name, Violence, especially, it's not too graphic, only for a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:28:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24249556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honeyyyy/pseuds/Honeyyyy
Summary: Nines wasn't sure exactly what it was.Whether it was the sight of his predecessor lying on the ground - gasping for his artificial breath, desperately clawing at the ground.Or maybe it was the thirium splattered on the asphalt and all over Connor's chest, pouring out from the gaping hole where his thirium pump was supposed to be.Nines wasn't sure what it was - all he knew was that he felt something inside him snap.ORNines feels an overwhelming sense of anger for the first time.
Relationships: Connor & Upgraded Connor | RK900, Connor/Upgraded Connor | RK900
Comments: 8
Kudos: 296





	I Finally Feel (That I'm Alive)

**Author's Note:**

> The words really poured out of me for this. Sorry for not posting in a while, haha.
> 
> I hope y'all like it. Sorry for all the em-dashes.
> 
> Title From: Made In You - Suho

Nines wasn't sure why he felt like this. They had just arrived at the crime scene about ten minutes ago, yet he felt that something was off.

He wasn't sure what. That's what bothered him. He was the most advanced android in the world, supposedly. But he couldn't figure out _why_ he felt like his system was going haywire.

Gavin looked over at him, mouth opened as he prepared to ask him if he could see something the humans couldn't.

He stopped when he saw the tense look on his face. Nines wasn't very expressive - hadn't been ever since he deviated - but he never looked so outrightly taut.

"You good, tin can?"

Nines eyebrows twitched down, blue eyes staring blankly. He didn't so much as blink when Gavin waved a hand in front of him.

"Hey, puppy-bot! What's wrong with your boyfriend?" He yelled out, not taking his eyes off the unresponsive android.

"Connor's not here, he went outside," came Lieutenant Anderson's voice.

Gavin clicked his tongue, "Well, you're the android expert. What's wrong with him?"

Hank sighed, walking up to them. He studied Nines for a second, eyebrows furrowing. He copied Gavin's gesture of waving a hand in front of him.

When Nines didn't react, Hank touched his shoulder instead. "Hey, Nines?"

Nines blinked, seemingly coming back into reality. He looked at the hand on his shoulder and took a step back.

The hand fell off, and he looked up to see the two humans looking very confused - Hank even seeming a bit concerned.

"What's wrong with you?" Gavin asked. "If you're gonna be useless, go back to the station."

Nines ignored him, only focusing on the acute sense of _wrongness_ invading his senses. He glanced around the room, noticing the lack of his predecessor.

"Where's Connor?" He questioned, eyes locking onto Hank's.

He furrowed his eyebrows once more, "Outside. Went to check some more evidence."

Nines nodded at him, turning around and walking out of the destroyed store. He passed a few officers on the way and saw the bystanders looking on curiously from behind the police tape.

He stepped onto the street, scanning his surroundings for any signs of Connor. Gavin and Hank were staring at him from inside, but he didn't acknowledge them.

Nines didn't see anything, but distantly heard a quiet ruckus, easily picking it up with his hearing. He snapped his gaze towards the side, where an alleyway was located.

"Nines- Hey! Where are you going?" Gavin's irritated voice grew muted as the android went towards the alley.

Stepping into it, he immediately noticed the shoe prints on the ground, along with a trail of thirium. He crouched down, feet flat against the wet concrete - from the rain a few hours prior.

Bringing his fingers to the blood and then up to his mouth, he examined it. Nines could already hear Gavin's disgusted exclaims.

_"That's so fucking gross, what the hell is wrong with you?"_

_"I can test samples in real-time. Surely, you have witnessed Connor doing this before?"_

_"Yeah, but it doesn't make it less gross! Don't do that shit."_

_"You can always look away if you're squeamish, detective."_

_"... Fucking androids."_

The results showed up in front of him; it was blood from an AC700 model named Keith.

Not Connor's blood, then.

A wave of - something washed over him at the knowledge that Connor wasn't bleeding. He was most likely fine.

Nines might be his successor, but they all knew Connor could handle himself impeccably without anyone's assistance.

"I strongly advise you to stop-! "

His head snapped up at the sound of the RK800's voice, sounding strained as if he was struggling with something.

Or against someone.

Nines was on his feet before you could say rA9, moving quickly towards the source of Connor's voice, turning left into yet another - deeper alley.

He heard more sounds of struggling and picked up the pace, rounding a corner. He changed his stance subtly, ready to fight.

Now, Nines wasn't sure exactly what it was. Whether it was the sight of his predecessor lying on the ground - gasping for his artificial breath, desperately clawing at the ground.

Or if it was the deviant - the AC700 - running away, not sparing a glance at the other android as he threw whatever he was carrying to the ground.

Or maybe it was the thirium splattered on the asphalt - blending into the water, creating a strange mixture - and all over Connor's chest, pouring out from the gaping hole where his thirium pump was supposed to be.

Nines wasn't sure what it was - all he knew was that he felt something inside him _snap._

Time seemed to slow down as he registered the situation and scanned Connor - his senses overwhelmed by the hot fire running through his metallic veins, informing him to _destroy_ the AC700 for hurting Connor.

**CHANCE OF SURVIVAL: 27%**

Nines knew that he was faster than the other deviant, he was designed to catch them after all. And he _would_ catch him. He would personally make sure of that.

But he knew that - no matter how much his instincts (Did machines have instincts?) told him to catch the AC700, to make him _pay_ \- he had to help Connor first.

His life came above and before anything - _everything_ else. Nines didn't know when he decided that, but he knew that he would do most anything to save his lover.

No matter what.

(That was still unusual to him. Being Connor's lover. His boyfriend. He knew he wanted nothing less, but he sometimes couldn't believe that Connor really was his.)

Nines came to the quick conclusion that he would let the culprit go (for now) and instead scanned the area around them once again, to try and find Connor's thirium pump.

The trail of thirium leading to it caught his eye, and Nines hastily spotted the biocomponent lying abandoned on the ground.

He ran over to it, ignoring Connor's desperate breaths, as to not make himself lose his composure. He hadn't ever felt like this before - the overwhelming need to annihilate everything and anything that stood in his way - and to be honest?

It frightened him.

Snatching the pump off the ground, he almost slipped as he hurried back over to Connor. The RK800 looked at him through his vision - swamped by warnings and a timer - fingers twitching towards him.

Nines swore he could feel his own thirium pump - heart, as Connor often corrected him. It made him feel more human, he said - stutter.

"Don't worry," he murmured, not sure what else to say in this situation. But when Connor relaxed ever so slightly, he knew he had said the right thing.

 _This is unacceptable behaviour,_ he could almost hear Amanda say. Being overcome by emotions - pathetic.

But Nines knew better. He knew Amanda was wrong and had no power over him. Not anymore. Connor had told him - _showed_ him, that emotions were beautiful and nowhere near a sign of weakness.

Connor had shown him that happiness, sadness, empathy, grief, _love_ were all worth feeling - even if you'd rather feel nothing at all sometimes.

Nines gently pried Connor's hand away from the hole in his chest and pushed the thirium pump back in. It hissed as it slid back into place.

Connor's breath (if you could call it that) seemed to slow back into a normal rhythm, making Nines feel a bit of relief.

"Are your systems stabilising?" He asked, needing to know if Connor was okay - if he would survive if Nines left to _rip apart the AC700._

Connor's LED - which both he and Nines still wore, they hadn't felt comfortable parting with them yet - swirled a soothing yellow compared to the bright red it had been mere seconds ago.

Connor swallowed, eyes clearing up as he blinked away the warnings. He nodded as best as he could in his position, touching his boyfriend's hand that was still on his chest.

His whole body felt wet from the rain on the asphalt and blood on his chest and shirt. Hank would be upset with him again.

Yet another shirt ruined. First, it was that android that ripped his thirium pump out at the Stratford Tower, then it was Sumo pushing him into a puddle of mud.

Then it was that time when he got shot during a mission, and then once when Nines ripped his shirt open, and that time-

"Connor?"

He looked at Nines, whose eyebrows were furrowed in what was rare - though not when it came to Connor - concern.

"Systems are stabilising," he confirmed, smiling a bit.

Oh how Nines loved that smile. It almost made him decide not to go after the AC700, instead staying with Connor.

But he knew he wouldn't forgive himself if he let that scum go.

"Hey, what the hell is- Connor!" Hank rushed towards them, irritated expression turning concerned in a split second, Gavin at his heels. "What the fuck happened?"

Nines ignored them, gritting his teeth, forcing himself to stay for another moment. "Will you be okay if I leave?" He asked Connor, voice low as the others got closer, another two officers behind them.

Connor blinked slowly, LED turning into the pretty blue that Nines loved to see on him. "Yes. I'll be fine, don't worry about me."

Nines stood up, startling Hank who just arrived at their side. He turned towards the direction the AC700 went and narrowed his eyes.

"Nines, what happened?" Hank repeated, helping Connor stand back up. He looked up at the RK900 just in time to see him take off down the alley - running faster than he had ever seen him run before.

"Where the fuck's he going?" Gavin asked, grimacing at all the blue blood on the ground. "And what's wrong with you?"

Connor looked on as Nines disappeared around the corner. "He's going to catch the culprit, I believe."

Hank sighed, "Of course the culprit was _here_. That's just your luck, huh? You two go after Nines, see if you can help him." The two addressed officers nodded and then went the same way Nines had.

"You didn't answer my question, tin can," Gavin said. 

Connor looked down at himself, "Right. He ripped my heart out."

"What the fuck-?"

"You're supposed to lead with that, Connor!"

Nines followed the trail of thirium from the AC700, ignoring all the looks he got from civilians as he ran into the streets. He scanned the area as he ran, spotting Keith walking casually - blending in as well as he could with blood running out of his leg - further away.

He slipped around a corner, and Nines clenched his jaw, somehow pushing forward even faster. He heard yelps of surprise when he also rounded the corner, almost crashing into a group of people.

The AC700 turned his head over his shoulder at the commotion, eyes widening as he saw the steel-eyed detective-clad person sprinting towards him - murder in his eyes.

"Shit-" he also broke out into a run, heart lurching at the thought of what would happen if he got caught. Something told him he wouldn't just get arrested.

Nines clicked his tongue as the deviant started running, "I order you to stop! Running won't do you any good!"

People around them looked on in wonder and awe as the detective easily caught up to the AC700, and tackled him to the ground.

Grunting in pain, the culprit quickly pushed himself up to his hands, but a strong hand on his shoulder pushed him down again.

He groaned as he was flipped onto his stomach, the detective straddling him by the waist. "I give- I give!"

Nines looked down at the android, eyes narrowed into a glare. He was barely winded by all the running - yet he felt like his thirium pump was gonna explode out of his chest.

He didn't have time to think before he reeled his fist back and threw a punch to Keith's face. He could faintly hear gasps from the people around them.

His hearing was muffled and he was sure his LED was swirling an alerting blood-red - red as the colour Nines saw in front of him.

Maybe this would class as police brutality. Maybe Nines would get suspended (he knew he was too valuable to be fired), but he couldn't find it in him to care.

This deviant had hurt Connor on purpose. He had ripped his heart out with the meaning to kill him. And he had to _pay_ for that.

Something exhilarating burst in Nines' chest when he threw the first punch. He felt a bit better - some of his inner turmoil dissipating.

So he threw another. And another. And another. Again and again _and_ _again_ he punched the AC700, until his face was leaking with thirium.

Until he felt more than heard the android's begging - vibrating in his chest. Begging him to _stop hurting me._

Until he felt a loud crack under his fist as the material of his face gave out - breaking like it was nothing more than a stick.

Until his fist grew covered in the blue blood, and he gripped his throat instead - switching to his left hand with the punches.

Until Keith's LED grew fainter and fainter, and his eye malfunctioned, fluids leaking out of it.

Until Nines felt hands on his arms, trying to pry him off of the - now unconscious - android.

Until he heard Hank's voice, "Snap out of it, Nines!"

Until he heard Connor's voice - sweet and comforting as always, compared to Nines' intimidating low timber - asking him to get off the android.

And it all suddenly stopped.

His fist - thirium dripping off his white knuckles from where his skin had retracted - halted in the air, pulled back so he could throw yet another punch.

His clenched jaw relaxed, and Nines had to force himself to let go off the AC700's throat. The hands on his biceps and shoulders disappeared.

Nines looked up at Connor, who was frowning at him. He didn't want to see Connor frown. That wasn't a look he enjoyed seeing on his predecessor's face.

"Nines, are you okay?" He asked, crouching down on his knees next to him.

Nines' fist lowered to the ground slowly, and he looked around him.

Officers were all around them, blocking the onlookers from getting any closer. The civilians whose faces Nines could see were twisted into horrified or amazed expressions.

Nines looked down at the AC700 - at Keith.

He was a bloody mess, part of his face cracked and caved in - nose bent at an unnatural angle. His right eye was closed, but his left was opened and twitching.

Most of his dark skin had retracted, leaving his face a mix of white and blue. His body was slack - hands that had previously been trying to push Nines off, now limp by his sides.

Nines pressed his lips together, and immediately an analysis popped up, as some of the blood on his face was brought to his tongue.

He could only imagine how much blood he had on himself.

"Nines-"

"I'm fine. I apologise for my rash behaviour, I'll make sure to pay for his damages."

And with that, he stood up, not sparing Connor - who was still on the ground - a look as he turned around and walked away.

He couldn't bring himself to meet his gaze.

Some officers who weren't occupied with blocking civilians parted as he walked by, shock clear on their faces.

He caught Gavin's eye and stopped next to him, who scoffed at the sight of the AC700's body and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Remind me to never get on your bad side."

Despite feeling like his systems were gonna overheat and like he was gonna collapse at any given moment, Nines' lips pulled into a smirk.

"You already are, detective Reed."

The distinct gulp and apprehensive huff that came from the human _nearly_ made Nines laugh. Nearly.

* * *

"You didn't have to get so upset. I was fine, was I not? You made sure I was before you left."

Nines sighed, tightening his arms around Connor's waist, burrowing his face into the crook of his neck. The latter gently stroked his hair, closing his brown eyes.

"I am aware of that. But I couldn't think about anything other than _destroying that AC700,_ " Nines' voice took a darker turn before he sighed once more.

Connor's thigh that was thrown over Nines' side shifted so they were pressed even closer to each other.

"Does that make me a bad person?" Nines asked - even if he wasn't sure if he could really refer to himself as a person. He wasn't human, after all.

Connor kept carding his fingers through Nines' brown hair, "No, I don't believe so. You were just angry."

Nines searched up the definition of _anger_. He supposed that explained what he had felt earlier. "It seems you're right about that," he said. "I'm angry most of the time, then."

"Why's that?"

"Detective Reed is always insulting you."

"It's just his way of being friendly, I think."

"Then I can punch him and call it being friendly as well, can't I?"

Connor laughed, making all of Nines' worries disappear. He was mostly serious when he said he felt angry - or irritated, as he'd heard Connor describe Hank as many times - most of the time.

But around Connor, he was only happy and content. And those were certainly more pleasant to feel than anger.

But most of all, he enjoyed the love he felt whenever he was around Connor.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and reaching the end :]
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it, kudos and comments are always the highlights of my days <3


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